NEW BLOG!

hey all,

please have patience with me as i transition everything from this blog over to my NEW one:

stumblingingrace.tumblr.com

i'll be sharing photos, stories, thoughts, poems--and everything about my life stateside and in Liberia on the new site from now on.

thank you for your understanding.

remind me.

"statistics have faces and faces have stories, and [i] just heard his. we were connected in a fractured world. we had to do something. words were not enough. dogma was not enough. the feeling of being close to Jesus was not enough. this was not right." (Tobin Wilson, Areté Again)

"now that i have seen, i am responsible--faith without deeds is dead."

(Brooke Fraser)

to live

i've been here about a week now. this just seemed...like something i needed to hear. it fits.

give thanks.

in my devotional for today, there was one line that seemed to stand out more than all the rest::

..."your freedom will mean your rising into the realm of joy and appreciation".

as i thought about it, i realized an unshakable truth. when i am thankful, that is when i am truly free. free from the world and all its worries. free from the things that try to weigh me down, make me focus on what i don't have instead of what has been graciously given to me. i've lived too many years as one of the nine lepers (see Luke 17.11-19), greedily taking in good gifts but then going on my merry way. i don't want to be one of the nine. i want to be the "one of them [who], when he saw that he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. he threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him..." (verses 15, 16).

so here are the beginnings of today's eucharisteo. (the funny thing about thankfulness:: once you become aware of all you've been given, it's so easy to see the gift in everything--big and small alike.)

a good night's sleep; a cup of coffee in the sunshine; blue skies; a full stomach; good friends; light breezes; laughter; blue ink in a journal; the quiet; clean fingernails; reflecting on the journey; His promises--again and again. and again; singing; manna ("For forty long years, God’s people daily eat manna—-a substance whose name literally means ‘What is it?’ Hungry, they choose to gather up that which is baffling. They fill on that which has no meaning. More than 14,600 days they take their daily nourishment from that which they don’t comprehend. They find soul-filling in the inexplicable. They eat the mystery.They eat the mystery. And the mystery, that which made no sense, is ‘like wafers of honey’ on the lips.'" [Ann Voskamp])

Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well." (Luke 17.17-18)

May we be the foreigners who turn around, who return to the source of the gift and humbly thank the Giver.

renewed hope

we've all had "one of those days": you're not yourself, everything seems too much to handle, you just kind of want to...give up.

today's been one of those days for me. i'm sad. slightly bitter. confused. lonely. but most of all, i'm just so weary. weary of the waiting, weary of hoping in the unseen, always the unseen... (when do i get to finally see it, Lord?!)

so this morning, i stood at the altar, knees weak and tears flowing. starving for my manna, desperate for something i could cling to.

and then He spoke. and He promised--again.

what is dead will be brought to life. what is ashes will rise. what is cast aside will be carried home. what has been cut off will be restored. what has been uprooted will be rebuilt.

i will not allow you to let your hope die, dear one. it must be renewed, even now...come awake!

am i still sad? yeah, a little. am i still lonely and confused and even a little weary? yes, i am. but this i know to be true: hope that is seen is no hope at all (Romans 8.24).

again

i've know
i've touched this space,
felt this very place
once or twice before.

but i will not fear,
and i will not hide
because your love is good
and you forever long
to give me
more.

so i'll take off my sandals
and i will wait for you;
even the in-between is holy ground.

signs of spring

today was beautiful, warm breezes and sunshine everywhere. i simply couldn't stay indoors, so i decided to head to the trail for a run. six and a half miles. i've done it countless times before. but something about today was different.

it was God. He was so real, so present, so close i was sure i could reach out and touch Him. i heard Him in the wind. i felt Him as the gentle sunshine kissed my face. i was heightened awareness. i didn't want to miss a moment.

somewhere around my second mile, i started realizing i had been seeing an awful lot of robins on the trail. more than normal, come to think of it. flitting through the grass, jumping slightly in the dirt. i started counting. by mile four, eleven! by mile five, eighteen. confused, not even knowing i was speaking it aloud, i muttered, "what in the world is with all these robins?!"

in an instant, He answered me. "robins are a sign of spring. didn't i tell you that your winter was over, dear one? yes, spring has come."

i stopped in my tracks.

i only saw one more robin after that, a few seconds later. he confidently hopped my way, stopped directly before me, and bobbed his little head once--no, twice. yes. yes!

"see, the winter is past; the rains are over and gone. flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of [birds] is heard in the land. the fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." (Song of Solomon 2.11-13)